This post is a bit all over the place, so please excuse my mess. I’ve been on a roll lately, getting two posts a week out to you guys and last week I left you hanging. I won’t lie, it feels like a failure. The truth is, I sat down to write last week, but I couldn’t gather my thoughts enough to write anything cohesive. I wanted to share about the heartwarming joy I felt watching my god-daughter get baptized…
or the recipe of Breakfast Blondies that got me out of bed in the mornings…
but my fingers just couldn’t type the words to capture my thoughts (don’t worry I’ll still share the Blondie recipe eventually).
Last week, I also happened to sign a lease for my new apartment in Richmond, finish my last cleaning shift at my yoga studio, and close the chapter on a job I held for two years at The University of Maryland Extension. I thought (maybe hoped) strong overwhelming feelings would come over me during this transitional time and compel me to write, feel, cry, get excited…I don’t know anything? Instead, I hate to admit, I felt and still feel a little blank and undecided?
I’m currently sitting on a beach chair in Corolla, North Carolina spending time with my family, escaping life for a moment before I make the move to Richmond and start Graduate School.
Something about the sea breeze and the salt water made me realize that it’s okay to not know how to feel right now. To let myself just feel the way I feel without over analyzing or questioning. To accept that maybe the combination of fear, sadness, excitement, and eagerness balance each other out leaving a calm unease.
So life lately is one day a time. For now that’s morning runs by the ocean, dad’s fresh squeezed orange juice, country music, crisp white wine, reading on lawn chairs, and family board games. I’ll take it.